Roger's Gone
by Television Jett
Summary: Mark confesses his love for Roger, Roger doesn't like this...


Roger's Gone

By Television Jett

Summary: Mark decides to confess his love for Roger.

Author's Notes: This is my first fan fiction so cut me some slack on how good it is. This was just something I did out of muse. And for the record I do not personally believe that neither Mark or Roger is gay, it just so happens that I was having a conversation when this came up.

Warnings: Soap Opera like for fun, a light curse word here and there, and sad.

In the loft of the crummy apartment, all gray and brown, Roger and Mark are sitting on the couch. Mark is slightly irritated at the fact that no one realizes that he is alive and no one ever seems to listen to him.

"I've got some great new footage. You wanna take a look at it later on, Roger?" Hoping that Roger will say yes, Mark begins to get up to go and get the new footage out of his bedroom, or what can be considered a bedroom.

"Not really."

_What. He doesn't want to see my footage._ Roger just doesn't feel like looking at anything at the moment and is content on living in his daydream world of Mimi never leaving him. Not to another man but drugs that could cost her her life and almost did at one time. There was nothing really wrong with Roger, he usually wanted to see all of Mark's footage, but only because he knew if he didn't that Mark would run into his room, get into the fetal position, and cry. Roger hated when Mark began to cry. But Mark could never grasp this idea. He couldn't live with the fact that Roger of all people wasn't interested in what he did for a living. He could care less what everyone else thought, as long as Roger thought it was good was all that really mattered.

"What do you mean…no?" _You always want to see my footage Roger. No matter how bad it is. You even watched the one of me watching someone watching someone else. _But for some reason Mark couldn't see that Roger was just preoccupied with his own thoughts and didn't need them to be barged upon by anyone at the moment. His thoughts were Mimi.

"I just don't want to see them now. It's not like I can't see them later. We don't have anything to do." Roger nonchalantly replied. _Why won't he just take my answer for once and leave it alone. I just don't want to see the footage at this moment. It's probably as bad as the one where he watched someone watching someone else. _Roger was getting a little irritated. This was a common routine with him and Mark and he just didn't want to follow for once and bulge in his thoughts.

With a defeated tone Mark replies, "You don't like them…I knew it…I'm not perfect." _I can never be perfect for Roger. The only one who's ever perfect for me is that tramp drugged up whore Mimi. SHE SHOULD DIE! She doesn't deserve Roger and all that he has to offer…someone else does…someone like me maybe. _Mark wasn't gay, or at least he didn't like to admit that he was. His preferences were no one else's business but his own…and Roger's if he asked, but he couldn't because he wants to always protect Roger from the truth. He couldn't make their friendship any more awkward than it already was. And that's because Roger is beginning to suspect that Mark may be gay.

"No, you're not perfect", Roger said with an irritation in his voice that was beginning to build with every passing second. _For once stop being such a woman. _Roger was getting fed up with all of Mark's bitching and moaning all the time. It was getting old.

"But…" Mark let out a whimper. He just couldn't understand. His eyes began to swell up. _No Mark…doesn't cry…you will not cry…YOU'RE CRYING. _A tear fell from Marks face and landed on his scarf.

"Are you crying again, damn Mark I can't stand when you do that." Roger was getting really upset because he was just tired of all the crying as well. Mark cried an average of 16 times a week. And it could be over anything.

"I'm not crying." _Hold yourself together Mark. You don't want to make Roger angry. You never want to make Roger angry…never…stop crying… _"You're crying aren't you. Mark you can be such a baby sometimes." Mark couldn't take this from Roger. He wasn't use to him talking to him this way, even if he should be because it happened so often.

"God, it's no wonder why Maureen left you – uh, I mean – I didn't mean that." Roger had completely lost his temper. He had never said such things to Mark. But Mark was such a woman about everything. _I can't believe I just said that. I'm an ass. Now he's going to cry even more than usual. This is just great. _Roger owed Mark an apology. Even though Mark had said worse things to him in the past. Once he told Roger that he should go and have HIV positive kids with Mimi. Roger wasn't happy, but he got over it.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, I just…I just lost my cool…"

"Yes you did, you meant every word…I understand." _I can't believe Roger just said that. He…he….he…he…-whimper-…he… _Mark didn't know what to think. He's been called things before and has had things said to him that should have hurt him, but the fact that this was coming from Roger was the biggest problem. He couldn't live with this. He didn't want to believe that Roger actually said that. Mark was crushed and began crying uncontrollably.

Roger rolls his eyes, _Great, _"Don't cry Mark. I really didn't mean it." That didn't work for Mark began to cry even more and buried his face in his trusted scarf. If anyone could ever help Mark feel better it was his scarf. He just couldn't stop crying. He didn't know what to do. All his life all he knew what to do was cry. _Think of something to make this stop. Its hurts. Why are you such a girl Mark, WHY! _"Mark calm down. Tell me what I can do to make it better. Tell me what's one thing that I can do to make you the happiest."

Mark jerked up. He couldn't believe what he just heard. Roger wanted to give him anything to make him happy. _Roger wants to make me happy. He wants to do anything to make me happy. Mark just tell him how you truly feel. This could be your one chance to see if he could feel so bad for you just so you can be together. Maybe, just maybe. It could happen. _Mark then replies just above a whisper, "Love me…

"What!...did you just say what I think you said" Roger thought that he was hearing things and going crazy. He didn't hear Mark just say that he wanted to love him. It would give a conclusion to his theory of Mark being gay, but Mark would never love him…would he? "No…I…didn't say anything…I was mumbling…" _I knew it was too good to be true. No one like Roger could be gay and love me…_

"You love me?" Roger questioned.

"No, I didn't even say anthing" Mark said defensively

"Yes you did. Are you lying to me?"

"NO, I would never lie to you" _What are you doing Mark. You're lying to your beloved Roger. Stop it now…no I can't stop…must protect…Roger…_

"In that case then I need to ask you something"

"What"

"What do you think about me getting married to Mimi?"

Mark made a strange noise indicating that he needed to throw up. But he didn't want to make Roger unhappy. "Mi…Mimi…I'm…ha…happy for you both."

"Why are you saying it so weird then, you sounded like you needed to barf." Roger was trying to figure it out but couldn't. He didn't want to think that Mark loved him.

Mark couldn't hold back any longer. "ROGER YOU CAN'T MARRY HER! You don't love her, she doesn't deserve you, I DO! I do everything for you and she does nothing but sleep with you. She's not like me Roger. She can't make you happy. And I've known you twice as long and I have more respect for you then she ever will. And LOVE, let's talk about love, she would never be able to love you as I love you. You couldn't measure the universe before you could give my love a limit. ROGER, LOVE ME!" _WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT MARK. So much for protecting Roger and making things not so weird. Now the friendship will never be the same. This is just great._

"But I do love you"

_I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!...stop kidding yourself. He means as a friend. _"But not like I love you…"

"I know." _I never expected this. I mean, I knew he was gay, but THIS! Why would he love me? Of all people…me…I love Mimi…and I'm not gay…and never will be…_ "Why didn't you ever tell me and allow me to stay here and give your hopes up for all these years? WHY?" Roger begins to tear up because his defense has been knocked down and he has become emotion because he knows what he must do to stop this and must do it soon. "Why did you lie to me. I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND! FRIENDS don't lie Mark. THEY DON'T"

"I didn't lie to you…I just didn't tell you the truth…" _Now things will never be the same._

Roger gets off the couch and takes three steps back. He looks down at Mark and stares at him as thought he is seeing him for the first time. "I…I need to go…I need to get away for a while…I can't stay here anymore…it's just too weird…"

"NOOOOOOOO!" Mark clings to Roger's legs and won't let go. "YOU DON'T NEED TO LEAVE…I'll leave…" _If he leaves I'll kill myself, I will. You can't leave Roger. I'll move, but somewhere where I can still see you but I'll move…not you…Roger… _Mark was being absolutely pathetic. It was stupid how pathetic he was begin. Roger felt the same way and got even more fed up.

"Let go…Mark you need to let go…it's for the best…DAMNIT IF YOU DON'T LET GO I'LL NEVER CALL OR COME BACK HERE AGAIN!...I MEAN IT!" Mark didn't care at first because he knew that eventually he'd be gone…he'd leave him…like last time…but maybe longer this time and Mark couldn't take it. He knew that if he let go he'd be finalizing the end, but then again he knew that if he didn't Roger might never return after he forced Mark to release his girlish grip. Mark let go and stood, coming up to Roger's chest, just staring down at the floor sniffing. Mark wipes away some of the tears on his sleeve.

"This is what's best for both of us. Me and Mimi- " Mark cut a look of daggers to Mark and began to tear up again.

"You'll leave me for her…fine –turns his head away from Roger, he's deeply hurt- go with her and…and…just…be happy."

"I will and I thank you for wanting my happiness" Mark makes a movement that makes him seem as if he is being shot with 1000 needless all over his body. "I'll call…I hate every season…not just the fall…" Roger has de ja vu because he remembers a conversation similar to this years ago. "I would hug you but I'm afraid that you'd never let go.

Mark jerks his head back to Roger. "No…I won't…I promise…" _How can you say that, you know you can't let go._

"Fine, but don't get any ideas." Roger opens up his arms to allow Mark in. Mark takes his chances and hugs as fast as he can.

Five minutes later

"I'm not coming back if you don't let go…you promised and you broke your promise…"

"DON'T GO! YOU DON'T NEED TO LEAVE!"

"I have to Mark…it's for the best…now let go…or you'll never see me again…we need time to find ourselves. You need time to get over me because I'll be with Mimi for the rest of my life and I'm happy. I can't be happy with you like that…just let go…please." Roger had said the magic words for at that moment Mark let go and stood defeated.

Roger walks out of the room. Mark stares blankly at the floor, waiting for Roger to come back into the room and say that he isn't leaving. Instead he hears a bag open, this tears a hole in his heart. Clothes are being put into the bag, lash after lash is being added onto his heart. Roger returns with his things, not much, but his things.

"I'll send you a line when me and Mimi find out where we're going to be…okay" Mark says nothing. Roger leaves.

1 hour later

_You'll never leave me will you. _Mark is naked and hugging his scarf in the fetal position in his bathtub with no water in it. "I don't need Roger…I can live without him…I don't need anyone but my scarf…even though I love him…" Mark begins to think about all the good times with Roger until he hears a voice.

"It's time to go. You can't live on like this."

Mark looked around to see where the voice was coming from and saw no one.

"It's torturing you, just end it all."

Mark looks down at his scarf and he realizes it's the scarf that's talking, or him going insane…mostly him going insane…

"What was that scarf? I didn't hear you? Say it more clear?... What? Kill myself…with the kitchen knife…because Roger's never going to love me, nor will he ever come back…but how do you know…of course you know everything…then I'm going to do it."

Mark walks into the kitchen and pulls out a knife. He goes to slit his wrist and stops. He's such a girl that he can't do it. And he knows it'll leave a mess, he COULDN'T LEAVE A MESS!...He turns to the scarf and then he knows what to do.

30 Minutes later

Roger walks in. "I forgot some of my music, I'll just be in and out…Mark…Marky…are you here?" Roger walks into the bathroom and stops.

Mark's hung himself with his scarf and has ketchup on his chest that says "Love me".

"Marky"


End file.
